Coaching without an Agreement is Surgery without sterile Gloves.

I learned this the hard way — not in a session, but at home.

I was a few months into my coaching programme. I had new questions, new frameworks, new awareness. And I started using them on the people closest to me — without asking, without agreement, without warning.

I thought I was being helpful. I was actually crossing a line.

Coaching is not defined by the questions you ask. It is defined by the context in which you ask them. The same question that opens up a client in a session becomes an intrusion when it lands on someone who came to you as a romantic partner, not as a coachee.

A surgeon does not skip scrubbing in because they are confident with the scalpel. The sterile environment is not a formality — it is what makes the procedure safe. In coaching, the Agreement is that environment. Without it, the technique is irrelevant.

I now have a simple internal rule: without a clear request and an explicit agreement, I am not a coach. I am a person.

If someone close to me wants coaching, I say: "Let's sit down, agree on the time and the rules, and I will switch roles. Or I can refer you to a colleague."

At home, I am a husband. Not a coach.

How often do you apply your professional tools to the people around you — without checking whether they actually asked for them?

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